we're out of time
During one of my church meetings today, I had an epiphany.
We don't have enough time to discuss important things.
Now, this makes slightly more sense with context. I'm a Mormon, a feminist, a political science student, social media aficionado, and generally all-around trying to be a good person. None of those things have come easy, as a matter of fact a goodly part of me has come with a lot of struggle and thought and trying to understand other people.
So, in my church meeting, we were having a discussion on same-sex marriage, and it was going far more civilly than I usually feel it goes, when someone in a corner raised their hand. And, unlike the rest of us, this person didn't want to comment. They had a question, and they wanted to understand one of the finer details of what we were talking about. And, I wanted to explain it. I knew how to explain it. But before anyone could answer, the teacher said "I would love to get more into that, but we don't have time. Let's just stick with the doctrine and what the Church has officially said."
This is not a bad thing. Limiting discussions to pertinent issues makes total and perfect sense, and the teacher didn't do anything wrong. But, I knew that there was something wrong. No one answered the question. And, as someone whose had questions ignored and waited for answers and sat through discussions with only a vague idea of what was going on because I didn't understand the jargon that was used, I felt bad. I wanted to sit the person down and carefully explain it, make sure they understood at least the basics and making sure they didn't have any more questions, because if they did, I would try my best to answer them. That's what I wanted to do.
But I couldn't. We were out of time.
And I realized, sitting there in the middle of this discussion, that we weren't the only ones out of time. Everyone was out of time. Everyone is always out of time. We don't have time to sit there and prepare for and hold reasoned discussion. In a world where our news is fed to us in soundbites and 140-character tweets, where information is easily and instantaneously put out into the world, we're expected to immediately know, understand and process, and form an opinion and act accordingly based off that opinion. All of this within a few minutes of finding stuff out.
And I think, in this world, where those of us who get deeply involved in issue, whether they be social or religious, where we are fully capable of doing that in moments in the fields where we've studied or poured our efforts into, we forget that those outside of our chosen fields of passion don't immediately know or understand or think the same way we do. We forget how we struggled, how much we had to learn when we first got started. It's similar to an Olympic athlete looking down and dissing someone who just started at that same sport because they don't have the same reaction timing and skills that they've built up over time and practice. It's patently ridiculous, and I'm terribly, horribly guilty of it.
We all are, I think. We've all seen it. And it's not cool. It's elitist exclusivity. It's "I've had access to this information and help understanding it, but you don't know anything and I'm not going to give you the same help I've had, but I'll degrade you and make you feel horrible while I get really angry about it."
It's me getting mad at one of my guy friends for making (in my opinion) a horrible, rude joke about an article I posted on an aspect of feminism that's very important to me, and my mom having to remind me that he doesn't understand this the same way I do. (Thanks, mom.)
Because other people don't understand the same way we do. And we, immersed in our own worlds and circles, forget that sometimes. But not all the time. Sometimes people come to us and we have time to discuss things. And when we do, when we sit down and talk, it's amazing how much we grow to understand each other. We might not change our minds, but we understand, and understanding is essential to kindness and compassion.
And sometimes we're just not going to get answers. Sometimes, nobody around you knows. Lucky for us, we generally live in a world where research is easily conducted. You can look it up. But that's not enough either. It's one thing to look up an answer to a question, but for the important stuff, the stuff that we need to figure out, it takes time. Time and pondering and praying and figuring out what is right for you and what is best and how to handle it.
The problem with doing your own research is the same problem as talking it out with a friend. There's still no time. We're all busy, that carving out time to sit quietly and think seems almost impossible. But it's what we have to do. If we don't, we're left with a half-cocked opinion, and that's more dangerous than not having one.
We are out of time, but it's getting dangerously close to the time where we need to figure out how to reconcile ourselves with the world. I said earlier in this post how all of the things that I define as a part of me didn't come easy. I wasn't lying. It is hard and it is painful. But, I believe that learning about those who are less privileged than me, who struggle with things I can't even imagine, who've gone through situations I know very well, who are different from me, who are dead and gone, and who will come in the future, I believe that learning about these people is one of the most important things I can do with my life. People are important, and they deserve the time that we don't give them.
We might be out of time for a lesson, but we need to make the most of what time we can scrape together from our days. We can do it.
We don't have enough time to discuss important things.
Now, this makes slightly more sense with context. I'm a Mormon, a feminist, a political science student, social media aficionado, and generally all-around trying to be a good person. None of those things have come easy, as a matter of fact a goodly part of me has come with a lot of struggle and thought and trying to understand other people.
So, in my church meeting, we were having a discussion on same-sex marriage, and it was going far more civilly than I usually feel it goes, when someone in a corner raised their hand. And, unlike the rest of us, this person didn't want to comment. They had a question, and they wanted to understand one of the finer details of what we were talking about. And, I wanted to explain it. I knew how to explain it. But before anyone could answer, the teacher said "I would love to get more into that, but we don't have time. Let's just stick with the doctrine and what the Church has officially said."
This is not a bad thing. Limiting discussions to pertinent issues makes total and perfect sense, and the teacher didn't do anything wrong. But, I knew that there was something wrong. No one answered the question. And, as someone whose had questions ignored and waited for answers and sat through discussions with only a vague idea of what was going on because I didn't understand the jargon that was used, I felt bad. I wanted to sit the person down and carefully explain it, make sure they understood at least the basics and making sure they didn't have any more questions, because if they did, I would try my best to answer them. That's what I wanted to do.
But I couldn't. We were out of time.
And I realized, sitting there in the middle of this discussion, that we weren't the only ones out of time. Everyone was out of time. Everyone is always out of time. We don't have time to sit there and prepare for and hold reasoned discussion. In a world where our news is fed to us in soundbites and 140-character tweets, where information is easily and instantaneously put out into the world, we're expected to immediately know, understand and process, and form an opinion and act accordingly based off that opinion. All of this within a few minutes of finding stuff out.
And I think, in this world, where those of us who get deeply involved in issue, whether they be social or religious, where we are fully capable of doing that in moments in the fields where we've studied or poured our efforts into, we forget that those outside of our chosen fields of passion don't immediately know or understand or think the same way we do. We forget how we struggled, how much we had to learn when we first got started. It's similar to an Olympic athlete looking down and dissing someone who just started at that same sport because they don't have the same reaction timing and skills that they've built up over time and practice. It's patently ridiculous, and I'm terribly, horribly guilty of it.
We all are, I think. We've all seen it. And it's not cool. It's elitist exclusivity. It's "I've had access to this information and help understanding it, but you don't know anything and I'm not going to give you the same help I've had, but I'll degrade you and make you feel horrible while I get really angry about it."
It's me getting mad at one of my guy friends for making (in my opinion) a horrible, rude joke about an article I posted on an aspect of feminism that's very important to me, and my mom having to remind me that he doesn't understand this the same way I do. (Thanks, mom.)
Because other people don't understand the same way we do. And we, immersed in our own worlds and circles, forget that sometimes. But not all the time. Sometimes people come to us and we have time to discuss things. And when we do, when we sit down and talk, it's amazing how much we grow to understand each other. We might not change our minds, but we understand, and understanding is essential to kindness and compassion.
And sometimes we're just not going to get answers. Sometimes, nobody around you knows. Lucky for us, we generally live in a world where research is easily conducted. You can look it up. But that's not enough either. It's one thing to look up an answer to a question, but for the important stuff, the stuff that we need to figure out, it takes time. Time and pondering and praying and figuring out what is right for you and what is best and how to handle it.
The problem with doing your own research is the same problem as talking it out with a friend. There's still no time. We're all busy, that carving out time to sit quietly and think seems almost impossible. But it's what we have to do. If we don't, we're left with a half-cocked opinion, and that's more dangerous than not having one.
We are out of time, but it's getting dangerously close to the time where we need to figure out how to reconcile ourselves with the world. I said earlier in this post how all of the things that I define as a part of me didn't come easy. I wasn't lying. It is hard and it is painful. But, I believe that learning about those who are less privileged than me, who struggle with things I can't even imagine, who've gone through situations I know very well, who are different from me, who are dead and gone, and who will come in the future, I believe that learning about these people is one of the most important things I can do with my life. People are important, and they deserve the time that we don't give them.
We might be out of time for a lesson, but we need to make the most of what time we can scrape together from our days. We can do it.
Wow!
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